Remaining in prayer and trying to get over my frustration

You hear people of faith say it constantly, there's a couple of songs about it...that prayer changes things. I believe it, and I've seen it happen many times over...in my life and in others.

Right now, I'm in prayer for my marriage. We've overcome many challenges yet Deri and I are still going at it about some of the same things. He thinks that I'm single handedly trying to ruin his film career which couldn't be farther from the truth. It angers me because I've made lots of financial sacrifices, I've shared my resources that I brought into this marriage to assist in making movies, attending events, taking care of our family, etc. just like he has and I'm getting to the point where the lack of appreciation and constantly being accused of "hating on him" really makes me angry. Very angry.

He rationalizes that the only reason I do these things is because I feel obligated to...although that is far from the truth, what if I only did these things out of obligation...Isn't that what a wife does? Obliges her husband when she sees that he needs her assistance?

There are a lot of times that he just seems like he is still here because of "obligation", not because he really wants to be here with us. And the thing is that I think that may be something that everybody goes through at times. As much as you love someone, you may not always like what they are doing, but since you love them, you acquiesce because you want to see them happy.

We have young children and it just seems like the ideal situation would be for me to basically devote myself to housework, and the children, and not ask for help with anything, and just fit in my interest when I can, whenever that is.

Something in my soul tells me that's not the right thing to do. I know I lot of women are confronted with this issue...I guess its just my turn :)

I saw my father give up his music career for his family and how it affected him. I don't want Deri to go through that pain and I don't want to go through it either.

There's got to be a middle ground and that's one of the things I'm praying for.

Like Deri, before we got married, I didn't have to answer to anybody. I bought my own car, and anything else I needed, paid my own bills, did my own thing. It took me a long time to weed through all my interest to figure out what I really wanted to focus on. We both had to go through that because we're both been blessed with many talents.

Right when I was ready to fully delve into music, we found out we were having Noah. I had problems with being sick but managed to record two songs, with Deri's help. Having Noah was one of the most meaningful things I had ever done but it also can with lots of sacrifice! Then when I started to feel like "myself" again we found out that we were having Niah. I was a bit devastated about having another child so soon, and I was very sick again for the first couple of months, but I ended up being able to finish my album...Thank the Lord.

Niah is amazing and I love the way her and Noah relate to each other. I wouldn't give them back for any amount of money. I'm just going to stay in prayer about how I'm going to be able to balance raising children and a music career.
Now its about getting it mastered, pressed up and making a marketing plan.

I love you Deri...please get over yourself, so that we can try to keep things balanced.

I can go on and on. Please keep us in your prayers!!