Change is... frustrating!

Today Indi was having a hard time focusing, because she has two babies "needing" her more than anything.
In the process of soul-searching for her "what do I do?" moment, I'm noticing everyday that she is just afraid that she will not have time to do some of the things that she wants to do in life, and she will.

Change is frustrating...
I make a plea to India to just focus on therapuetic dancing as a career, and soul singing as her profession. She loves to do both, and I am the anchor of support for her.

Change is frustrating while she seeks employment, but I would love for her to visualize what she wants and stick to the goal: a successful life lives within a patient and prayerful heart.

Teaching therapuetic dance...
while singing our favorite songs of yours~ IT HEALS!

Indi you are a healer. Unite your theory with both practices...
No more looking for jobs that will not contribute to the development of you being a healer.

Selah.

Striving to Be FAMOUS on PURPOSE!!!!

This weekend I had the opportunity to volunteer for the Peachtree Village International Film Festival, and I must say that I had a wonderful work experience. I was surrounded by professionals who were never under any pressure to act "hollywood", but to be the consummate showman's.

Working with Len Gibson, Dora Durant, Autumn Bailey, Shetoya McClinton, Tommy Wright, Jerry Tatum, J. 'JB' Brown, and so many countless others... that assisted in a smoothly ran film festival, made my time in Atlanta that much more enjoyable.

I had the opportunity to listen to Tyler Perry's business associate, Roger Bobb discuss his rise to a dream preferred, the mighty golden boy screenwriter, Gregory Anderson (Stomp The Yard), as well as the ever-so humble Rockmond Dunbar and Malcolm Lee, discuss their love for their profession, respectively, acting and directing.

I am so glad I opted to volunteer for the PVIFF, because it inspired me even more to get my work done.

I can't even begin to tell you how exciting this experience was, even though there is that part of me saying I could of been on the panels, but I also feel I have a long way to go, and for that I am grateful, I will just make sure I take advantage of every chance I get to develop as many relationships as I can.

Thanks Vatrice for hooking a brother up.

_____________________________________________________________________________________

Now... onto the family thing: India and I, of course you read below... had a falling out...
the only thing I can say is: "I LOVE YOU!"

Thank You God for Family and Purpose...
"To Be Famous on Purpose- is our goal..."

Remaining in prayer and trying to get over my frustration

You hear people of faith say it constantly, there's a couple of songs about it...that prayer changes things. I believe it, and I've seen it happen many times over...in my life and in others.

Right now, I'm in prayer for my marriage. We've overcome many challenges yet Deri and I are still going at it about some of the same things. He thinks that I'm single handedly trying to ruin his film career which couldn't be farther from the truth. It angers me because I've made lots of financial sacrifices, I've shared my resources that I brought into this marriage to assist in making movies, attending events, taking care of our family, etc. just like he has and I'm getting to the point where the lack of appreciation and constantly being accused of "hating on him" really makes me angry. Very angry.

He rationalizes that the only reason I do these things is because I feel obligated to...although that is far from the truth, what if I only did these things out of obligation...Isn't that what a wife does? Obliges her husband when she sees that he needs her assistance?

There are a lot of times that he just seems like he is still here because of "obligation", not because he really wants to be here with us. And the thing is that I think that may be something that everybody goes through at times. As much as you love someone, you may not always like what they are doing, but since you love them, you acquiesce because you want to see them happy.

We have young children and it just seems like the ideal situation would be for me to basically devote myself to housework, and the children, and not ask for help with anything, and just fit in my interest when I can, whenever that is.

Something in my soul tells me that's not the right thing to do. I know I lot of women are confronted with this issue...I guess its just my turn :)

I saw my father give up his music career for his family and how it affected him. I don't want Deri to go through that pain and I don't want to go through it either.

There's got to be a middle ground and that's one of the things I'm praying for.

Like Deri, before we got married, I didn't have to answer to anybody. I bought my own car, and anything else I needed, paid my own bills, did my own thing. It took me a long time to weed through all my interest to figure out what I really wanted to focus on. We both had to go through that because we're both been blessed with many talents.

Right when I was ready to fully delve into music, we found out we were having Noah. I had problems with being sick but managed to record two songs, with Deri's help. Having Noah was one of the most meaningful things I had ever done but it also can with lots of sacrifice! Then when I started to feel like "myself" again we found out that we were having Niah. I was a bit devastated about having another child so soon, and I was very sick again for the first couple of months, but I ended up being able to finish my album...Thank the Lord.

Niah is amazing and I love the way her and Noah relate to each other. I wouldn't give them back for any amount of money. I'm just going to stay in prayer about how I'm going to be able to balance raising children and a music career.
Now its about getting it mastered, pressed up and making a marketing plan.

I love you Deri...please get over yourself, so that we can try to keep things balanced.

I can go on and on. Please keep us in your prayers!!

2 YEARS IN... AND A BUNCH TO GO

HAPPY ANNIVERSARY TYTON FAMILY!!!!!

i LOVE u INDIA

I GOT THE JOB- GLORY BE TO GOD!

Good morning-
To our FATHER which art in HEAVEN, I am so ecstatic about the call I received on Friday. The Boys and Girls Club called to assure me that wanted to hire me as a youth service coordinator.

God has been really good to us...
New APT.
New JOB.
New $$$- LOL!!!!

Yet, and still India and i are still having one of the same problems: my past.

I have already made plans to go to Grambling Homecoming with my friend Gavin, and the problems lies in the fact that my friendship on TRU has been, lets say "too friendly" at times, and I got caught, and I have apologized, and all that. But I want her to trust me, and not think I'm going to do something stupid, I just want to get some enjoyable time in.

May God watch over Gavin and myself during the time we are down there, and I will stay in prayer about India and I's marriage.

In the immortal words of a wise woman: "Too much will get you into trouble"- my grandma... India is the last woman on earth I would want to tangle or tango with... PERIOD!

So let us rejoice in the new things happening abundantly in our lives, and move forward from here.

I love you India...

JOB interview went well...

My job interview went really well. Considering the fact that it is a part time position, it will give me much flexibility to do some other things, and to top it off... I get to work with children and do film. YAY!!!!

India, Noah, and Niah all went with me for support.
Po`et and Rhythm prayed- at least I asked them too...
Taylor is waiting on some money- LOL!!!!! and for me to come see her.
I miss her so much.

ON A SIDE NOTE: We get our car back tomorrow...
and India doesn't have to worry we will continue to walk... ITS A MUST!

Footin It :)

As Deri told you, we have been walking over the past couple of days. It feels really great to be active because before then, when we are around the house, my daily walk consists of mainly walking back and forth to the kitchen :)

Exercise is great for the body as well as the mind and I see the benefits already. I woke up very sore and that shows be that it really was a workout! Yeah, we had to walk to the store because of necessity, but it also started our new fitness regimen.

The funny thing is that a couple years ago, I was a fitness coach to about 14 clients during my last semester in grad school. What I learned from that experience is that I really don't have the patience to be in that profession (LOL) but most importantly how imperative it is to be dedicated to fitness.

I was able to establish some good relationships with some of my clients; They appreciated my listening skills and level of compassion. Don't get me wrong I was a compassionate coach, but I didn't play around either :)! I let them know what needed to be done and if they flaked on me, and didn't show up for an appointment, I gave them the business! Thinking about that experience reminds me that being dedicated to fitness as a family will strengthen our bodies, motivate us, and also lessen our stress levels.

After we get our car back I really hope we still are able to take walks together, even if its just around our community :)

Healthy Living- Wealthy Living

The Family and I have been walking to the store from the house since our car is in the shop getting a new clutch put in. The walk is about 2-2 1/2 miles (one way) of curves, hills, and shortcuts. We have taken this walk as something that has brought India and I communication to an all time high.

Noah Famous and Niah Genius are just cruising.

Tomorrow is the job interview... What is for me, is for me.

Po`et and Rhythm are doing well academically in school, but Po`et is having a personal problem with the teacher, but in order to straighten that out, I have to continue to talk to her with values and principals. Respect is a principle, and she should let anything become so personal to the effect that it takes her away from educational success. You know what I'm saying!

Taylor is a Jr. and now is the time for her to get really active in school, and do some volunteer work. She is undecided as to what she wants to do, but I'mma keep working on her...
Alright...

When you do good things, good things happen!

Yay!

Deri just got an interview with the Boys and Girls Club. I'm believing that he's going to get the job...in Jesus name...Amen :)

The last week has been a terrific week, and I can only expect what's ahead of me to be great.

I would like to say that I have been reading my BIBLE lately, and I must say that it is definitely helping in seeking a better understanding between me and my God. It has been so many things to stand out reading ECCLESIASTES, but what moved me the most is the search for WISDOM. [The words of a wise man's mouth are gracious; but the lips of a fool shall swallow him up;... Ecclesiastes 10:12]

In the search to be wise there has to be a greater appreciation of all things in duality.

Take for instance, in my mind, I always look at the "whiteman" as the oppressor. Then here it is, a neighbor who is a "whiteguy" electrician asks me to assist him and to make some extra, much needed moolah for the house.

With India and I are faced with a deadline to move out of our apartment by October 1st, while we are both unemployed at this time, a "white lady," Ms. Edie, has granted us the opportunity to move into a two bedroom/1 bath cozy cottage-esque condo for a mere $650 a month (in a private residential community).

In my quest to become a teacher, it is a "whitelady" neighbor, Janice, who gave me the information to a food pantry, thrift store, and employment office that will help me get back into school, all expenses paid.

It is the "whitedude" Mark, the mechanic who fixes our car with the best rates, and has the best conversation, he's a real people's person.

And the countless other "white" people who have helped us in Georgia is re-shaping me everyday into a better human being, and seeing that the Black Nationalist I was is just a racist.

My faults are so deep at times, I am shocked at myself, but I refuse to be ignorant, and that is the wisest lesson I have learned in life thus far.

In this pursuit to be do my life's work in film, literature, and music- I share this life with you as much as I can. I bear no semblance to a perfect man, but I do share as much heart and love as God can give, and not only because it is shared with me, but because it is my duty to do it.

I guess this whole entry is a candid... THE whiteman/blackman is a divisive way of saying one is better than the other, when yet we can't make it without each other.

Let's stay prayerful, because the next 'WHITEMAN' that pisses me off, has nothing to do with him/her being white, its because they have some deep pain that they have not yet forgave, or have been forgiven for.
and that goes for me too.
Love is grand, and the people who share in love will feel my most inner unconditional transparent greatest love on this side of the universe.


_____________________________________________________________________________________
I write to say I heard my wife singing more frequently around the house...and that warms my heart, when I hear that sweet sweet melodic voice coming from another room in the house, or the shower. I can't wait to see her perform... LIVE!

I love You Dee Jr., Shay, Po, Rhythm, Famous, and Genius... I love you all... and pray God is working in you, with you, and through you.
Peace and Blessings...

Inspiration!

Inspiration is elusive for some, and definitely fleeting for others. Me? I fit into both of these categories, because I am a unemployed father of six children, and a financially strapped husband.

Now it has not always been this way, yes I have road the beautiful wave of giving and sharing, and has lived in the moment of a love supreme. I guess what I am saying is money does not equate love, but it sho'll as hell feel good when you got money to take care of your family.

Tonight I had the privy of going to screenplay workshop. The story was interesting and flat, and it was just another story of a whitegirl who has to save the niggers! GTFO!... although it was mentioned in the reading by a black guy, the writer says the ever so clicheish answer: "NO, NO... that was not my intention." -like I said G.T.F.O!!!

Although I felt inspired to finish my own script: Word. Life. I am very excited about the fundraising part of it. Then after this film is "SUMMERTIME CHI," about a high school senior diagnosed as a paranoid schizophrenic. I love this film, because the kind of film it is...

I must add to this blog, that India is inspiring by going after what she wants out of her life. She went over to Jan Smith Studios today, and the smile she had when she came out charged my heart up with love. I am so glad that I am sharing this moment with her in this time.

I am also inspired by Po`et and Rhythm ability to do what's right. Now they show me and their mom everyday that they are not perfect, but they show everday that they are growing as individuals. They are intelligent, beautiful, kind, and exceptionally gifted. I am inspired by Noah, he learning language right now, and that within itself is just awesome. This pure little boy is about to learn and his quest for knowledge is just as soul satisfying.

I'm inspired by my mom and India's mom, they are very strong women, and I am so in love with the fact they are working hard to keep their family intact... They got that light of God in them, and I am ever grateful to have them in my life.

I am inspired by Eric Montes, Sam Greenlee, and Melvin Van Peebles, and so many other Chicago filmmakers who have come before me and they are the shining example of how to have a "don't give a damn- get it done" attitude. Thank You.

I am inspired by Atlanta, it is a beautiful city, and I feel good about being here today, because it is giving me something that I didn't feel like I was really getting in Chicago, that sheer discipline. Thank You...

Alright I'mma end this and just say this for all of you... My biggest inspiration is my dad, God. He gave me Nelson Mandela, Rev. Dr. Jeremiah Wright, and Phillip Bradley- geniuses... Thank you...

What inspires you? Think about it...

I finally got Niah to sleep. She wanted to be close to me for most of the night. Of course I'm trying to get her to be a little independent, so I let her cry for a bit while I washed dishes and straightened up the house. When she started screaming I just had to hold her and try to put her to sleep. After two hours she's finally asleep! Hopefully she'll be able to sleep most of the night.

Earlier this afternoon I went to Jan Smith Studios to meet with vocal instructor, Ebony Childs for my initial vocal assessment. I was nervous and almost backed out of it because I didn't want to pay the fee but I thought about how much I sacrified to get my album finished and how I know in my heart that singing is part of my purpose, so I scrapped up the money. Now where I am going to get the money every month to pay for the lessons...well I'm just going to have to leave that up to God.

I just feel that He'll make a way for it all to come together...it has to :)

Good evening everyone. I just got finished feeding Niah and Noah fell asleep right on schedule at 10 pm, which is encouraging. We're trying to make a schedule so that he can go to sleep at a decent time so that we can also get some work done at night. Niah is a bit agitated, hopefully we'll be able to console her. Deri is trying his best to work with her while I work on this entry. I'm thankful to have a husband that is good with our children.

Today was productive, I had to turn in some paperwork to the state to verify that I delivered the baby successfully and I also registered for orientation at the Workforce Development Office. Im trying to see if I can get funding for a certification program. What type? Well, I'm seriously considering getting a teaching certificate. I've done some research and it looks like I can probably be qualified to teach health at the high school level. But since that's a subject that routinely gets cuts back I'm trying to find something in addition.

If I can find a way to just focus on music and entertainment then I'll most definitely do that but something in my spirit tells me that God allowed me to get my education to help others in some other way. Right now I'm exploring while patiently waiting for God to show me the way. I know that path is already set for me just anxious to see how everything pans out. I have deep Faith in my God, in myself and my family, and that helps me make it though each day.

A positive and productive spirit is flowing throughout the house right now, and I'm thankful.

Things Are Looking UP!!!!

Today was a good day, as oppose to yesterday. I was tense, stressed, and depressed, and you could tell, because I made India the same way, and Niah was aggravated all day.

Today I had the opportunity to go to a W.I.A. program that looks very promising. I'm on my way back to school to become a certified teacher, something I started out doing back at Chicago State University, but didn't finished. With two children about to enter into college, I really gotta step my game up.

As much as I hate doing work for free, being in Atlanta that's all the rage. This is the mindset I was in three years ago in Chicago. Most filmmakers in Chicago are really working hard as ever to pay people for the work they need done.

As I work on this new piece for "Ike", I'm very satisfied with being able to do a search for Tionne "T-Boz" Watkins, because the script I am working on deals with a singer that has Sickle Cell Anemia, and since she can relate to both, I thought it would great star power to get her involved with this script.
The next phase is to contact a grant writing program or the Sickle Cell Anemia foundation for the financial assistance in developing this film.

There is a chance that this is my next production, I'm really hoping so, because I really love the script.

Other than that...Im' on the job hunt... to take care of my babies... and my wife...
Our anniversary is coming up, so wish us well...

Candid- I yell at India sometimes... and I hate when I do it. She is a great wife/woman, and she doesn't deserve it. I pray I become more humble everyday.

Welcome!

Indi-

A couple of weeks ago, Deri approached me about us writing a blog about the experiences we've been having. I can honestly tell you that I didn't anticipate how challenging our move to Atlanta would be.

It was already a challenge to get Deri to agree to move out of his comfort zone he has in Chicago. I'm originally from the D.C. area, but haven't lived there full-time since I left for college. Since that time, I've lived in Hampton, Nashville, Houston, NYC and of course Chicago. The thing I keep trying to let Deri know, for my own experiences is that it takes about a year to get use to a new place.

All the stressors that have presented themselves have only made this transition even harder for him. The thing that encourages me is that we are really trying our best to find a way to remain positive, even on the days when things get very tense, which even causes us to have second thoughts about everything!

Well...I would write more but little miss Niah is having a challenging time tonight. Deri is trying to console her but it doesn't seem to be working.

Peace and Blessings!

Deri:

Indi and myself have come up with a very valuable way to record our growth as filmmakers and a singer/songwriter. WE are going to blog about it. With having so much information to know, and so much to do for our development as mainstream artist, we both felt like documenting our story on our family, finances, and future would something that we could look back on a year from now, and see the difference, considering we have moved to ATLANTA!.

This blog will not be something for people to feel sorry for us, but to support us.

I will give a candid everyday about our lives:

Since we moved to Georgia:
1) Car accident.
2) Condo foreclosed on.
3) Niah was born 7/18/09
4) Got jilted out of money
5) Gas cut off twice

DAMN!!! I MISS CHICAGO--->So I owe me an ode to the crib: